Our bit of culinary theatre... (with a nod)

[Cupcake]

Noble Cousins,,

We wish to beg the indulgence and understanding of all our fellow members of the Right-Rockin-Empire.  We have recently been in the kitchen making a new batches of jam. This has been an experiment to gauge whether the empire and the new Emperor prefer strawberry vs blueberry.  We gauged our experiment on taste, quality, and colour and by adherence to the actual written receipt. As of late, jam  has been villified for its seeds and total disregard to the Golden Recipe of St Julia of Child’ixi. Thus, we decided to make our own experiment and smear the jam from Aradec to Itaxik. So in this we have found where the empire stood on jam:

Individual Choices:    Jam preferences are a monumental pain in the ass and each person has their own flavor. Strawberry jammers (as we call them) are big bullies who will elbow themselves to the table and hog the jampot. Blueberry jammers tend to be messy.

Keeping the Recipe:   Everyone has their own interpretations (and grandmothers from around Sahul all wear different aprons, too). Aging sophonts are never respected for their position and choices none of which adhere directly to the Golden Recipe.  In this we were most generally unsurprised. Grandmas have large wooden spoons and even louder voices. There was quite the scuffle at the Jam-off at the shores of Lake Sardath last summer. So much so that we had to intervene with toast-crunchies and bread to keep them occupied. Grandmas just like things they way they do, most of whom are usually very kind except when it comes to family recipes.  Hoo-boy.

Status of Jam:   Raspberry was decidedly un-represented. We feel this to be a great injustice. We urge the Emperor to spend time in the Empirical Kitchens and do some taste testing.

Thus ends the great experiment of jam in Sahul. We apologize for the mess. We hope the Emperor will find enough IIP to clean up the sticky bits that were left behind in the Byrrin after the Jam-boree last spring.

We again apologize for the stress and inconvenience of our little experiment but we felt the need to call out the Empire by putting jam to the test.  Thus far, grannies from around Sahul’s only responses are to make up new recipes, which we fear will come to a fruit crisis. So sorry. In this we fear, that jam has been weighed, measured, and found wanting.


Thank you,

Reverend Mother Rach’el of Ray
Imperial Chef of Sahul

[Mandala of Blood]

Strawberry jam...but marmalade if you've got it!

[Free Beer]

As a surprise to none, the Emperor has proclaimed a preference to rapsberry jam and that he does not trust apricot jammers.

Gordarkanu Ramitaxik, Exceutive Chef of the Imperial Palace

[redoubtable1]

This is decidedly not over. While spread on toast and ingested, Raspberry never had a say in the judging. No, we will not quietly let this pass, we demand a new round of taste-off's. Until the granaries of Sahul are empty and the fruit bins are bare, this will not be over.

--Lord Barkin' Moon

[Blackheart]

It's a well known fact that that the wharf side bordellos serve a tasty wildberry jam that leaves s certain staining on the mouth, which can be traced back to origin...at least to area of town.

Many a wife has discovered her husband's particular brand of entertainment following the trail, so to speak.

Blacktongue

[Jake]

We now proclaim, all have spoken in ignorance.  I mean no disrespect, but is a matter of a lack of experience. 

Our aged Nana would never lower herself to blueberry or rasberry. Perhaps strawberry or apricot.  But she knows as many do not, that none of these compare in the least to BOYSENBERRY. 

A warning brave sirs and madams, it is a highly addicting substance.  First it's boysenberry jam, then boysenberry syrup, then boysenberry cobbler; the decadence never ends.

Lord Willor Agroes, Duke of Thace, Chancellour of the Empire of Sahul